A classic BBC television sitcom, about the adventures of a Royal Artillery Concert Party, broadcast between 1974 and 1981
Set during WW2 the show focuses on a group of British soldiers stationed at the Royal Artillery Depot in Deolali, India. The main characters are performers in the base's Concert Party, which involved putting on comic acts and musical performances (similar to those seen in a music hall) for the other soldiers prior to their departure for the front lines. The soldiers in the Concert Party all love this particular job, as it keeps them out of combat duty, but some do harbor dreams of becoming world-famous actors when they leave the army.
Commanding Officers
Lieutenant-Colonel Charles Arthur Digby St John Reynolds
Lieutenant-Colonel Reynolds is the most senior member of the concert party and enjoys their shows immensely. He thinks army life in Asia is very hard, while all he does is sit around sipping pink gin and dining with the elite. He is having an affair with Daphne Waddilove-Evans, whose husband, Major Waddilove-Evans, has left for the Punjab. He is the stereotypical British Army Officer, very stiff upper lip and prim and proper. Captain Ashwood's utter stupidity does occasionally infuriate him, but he is effectively good-natured and tries to avoid leaving the easy life he has at any cost. Reynolds is revealed to be a solicitor.
Captain Jonathan Tarquin "Tippy" Ashwood
Captain Ashwood is an even bigger fan of the concert party than Colonel Reynolds, especially when they dress up as girls. He is not very bright, and often unknowingly ruins other people's plans, especially the Sergeant Major's. His catchphrase is "It's a tricky one, sir", which he says in reply to Colonel Reynolds asking for his opinion when the concert party runs into a particular problem. He occasionally writes skits for the concert party, which they reluctantly accept, as they are, on the whole, absolutely awful. He has absolutely no military bearing in him, which makes it very easy for the Sergeant Major and the others to manipulate him into using his authority to achieve their own ends. He is known for his stupidity, high-pitched voice, and love of gardening. He is exceptionally devoted to his wife, Fiona.
Battery Sergeant Major Tudor Bryn “Shut Up” Williams
The Sergeant Major is the only real, professional soldier among the concert party and its officers. He is somewhat bigoted in his views, making every effort to bully the Indian camp staff and remind everyone of British supremacy in Asia. He has only one goal in life, namely, to get his soldiers posted up the jungle (and into combat) as fast as he can. Williams has a cunning and fierce pirate-like look. He is disgusted by the fact that his soldiers prance about on the stage wearing dresses and make-up all the time, and frequently calls them a "bunch of poofs". He is sometimes portrayed as a stereotypical "devious" Welshman, using cunning schemes to turn events in his favour. He dislikes all members of the concert party equally, apart from Parkins, who he believes to be his son. He has a particular loathing for "Lah-De-Dah" Gunner Graham, owing to his university education, although Williams will praise Graham for it if it serves his purposes. Williams often mispronounces long words, turning "hysterical" into "hystorical, or "historectical", "misapprehension" into "mishappropriation", "education" into "heducation" and "ignorant" into "higorant".
When he leaves the army, Williams plans on marrying any widow who owns a pub.
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Concert party
Bombardier “Gloria” Beaumont
Beaumont is a very effeminate person who cannot handle the violence, heat and mosquitoes of army life in India too well. He considers himself an artiste, and doesn't believe he should be in the Army, often trying to emphasize his show-business angle and ignore the "soldier" parts of his job. He has a passion for show business and always dresses up as famous film stars during the concert party shows, especially as Ginger Rogers. Gloria is an enormous coward. He is known throughout the company as being camp if not homosexual. This is seen in one of the episodes where Rangi says "Bombadier Beaumont is...." and makes the limp wrist gesture symbolic throughout Britain as meaning gay.
Gunner “Lofty” Harold Horace Herbert Willy Sugden
“Lofty” is a soldier whose appearance can be summarized by means of quoting the Sergeant Major: "Is it a mushroom? No. Is it a soldier? No. It's Gunner Sugden." Lofty is the tiny, rotund lead singer of the concert party usually seen in an old-fashioned pith helmet, and has an amazing tenor voice which even the Sergeant Major cannot resist when he sings. Unfortunately, he is always picked out by the Sergeant Major as a "volunteer" when there is a particularly nasty or dangerous task to be carried out. He has been married three times; his two previous wives were called Agatha and Betty, and according to a letter, Sugden's third and present wife shares a house with Betty.
Gunner “Parky” Nigel Parkin
“Parky” is the youngest member of the concert party and has tried everything to become part of them, including being a ventriloquist, comedian, and singer, although he is very clumsy and never does anything right. The Sergeant Major wrongly believes that Parkin is his son (Williams had a relationship with Parkin's mother Edith in Colchester), which is why he treats him much better than he treats the others, and keeps telling him he has "a fine pair of shoulders"; however, Parkin is not Williams' son but when the rest of the concert party discover what the Sgt Major believes, then Parkin is welcomed into the party, as the Sgt Major would want to stop it being sent into battle as long as Parkin is a member. They change Parkin's blood group on his medical file to that of Williams so that the Sergeant Major will have “proof” that Parkin is his son. Consequently, Williams becomes very selective about Parkin's achievement - praising him when he does something right and ignoring when Parkin makes huge blunders. An example of such a situation comes when Parkin is appointed as Battery clerk - since he has no exploitable talent for the concert party - and, having misunderstood an order from the Sergeant-Major, proceeds to have the Officer's Mess demolished. (Sergeant-Major Williams had told him to "remove the mess by the Officer's lines", referring to a pile of old beds that were to be discarded, and he destroyed the officer's mess. Then Colonel Reynolds tells him to order 200 tent pegs and he orders 200 tents.) Parkin references the show's title in the first ever episode when he signs off a letter to his mother with the words "I've been in India now two days, and it ain't half hot, Mum".
“La-De-Dah” Gunner Jonathan Graham
Gunner Graham is the concert party's pianist. His appearance - bald and bespectacled - marks him out as a stereotypical boffin. He has a university degree in English literature and is very clever, speaking with a very upper class accent. This is why the Sergeant Major always mockingly repeats what he says, as well as mockingly addressing him as Mister La-De-Dah Gunner Graham.
Gunner "Nobby" Clark
“Nobby” Clark does a whistling act in the show, and can do excellent bird impersonation. He is not particularly clever, and often makes nonsense comments or observations about situations they find themselves in.
Natives
Bearer Rangi Ram
Rangi Ram is the concert party's native bearer, and very proud to be of service to the army. A frequently recurring gag is his ironically referring to "we British". The Sergeant Major shouts at him more than at anyone else, but Rangi is also the one he confides in when he wants to talk about problems. Rangi often provides the audience with an "old Hindu proverb" at the end of the episode, such as "There is an old Hindu proverb which say that if you see two eyes looking at you in the dark, it is not always a Tiger. It might be two one-eyed Tigers!" He is a devious individual, who can often manipulate the situation for his own ends (usually money). Though he often speaks of himself as British, he will show divided loyalty when his Indian aspect is under threat - when asked to burn the Indian flag by the Sergeant Major, he refused.
Muhammed the char wallah walks around the camp all day, selling tea from his urn. We can also hear him sing the musical interruptions between the scenes, which are mostly popular American hits, accompanied by a sitar. At the end of the credits he starts to sing "Land of Hope and Glory" only to be interrupted by the Sergeant-major shouting "SHUTUPPP!!!". .
Punkah Wallah Rumzan
Rumzan the punkah wallah always sits outside the officers' quarters, pulling a string that is attached to a large fan indoors. He comments on everything in Urdu, and always adds a few words in English at the end. Rangi often tells him to "sit up straight while you are punkah-ing" and not to "be such Clever Dickie". He is far more intelligent than the others give him credit, and much of what he observes early on is often borne out in the end, but no-one notices.
Others
Mrs Daphne Waddilove-Evans
Mrs Waddilove-Evans is the wife of a local colonel, who lives in a large house near the camp in Deolali. In the earlier episodes, she is the lover of Colonel Reynolds; the two have a strong relationship, to the point when she accompanies the patrol on a journey to a nearby town. However, the group's vehicle breaks down and Rangi recommends that they spend the night in a nearby temple. The Colonel and Mrs Waddilove-Evans agree to meet at midnight just outside the temple and they do so. As Colonel Reynolds is distracted, Mrs Waddilove-Evans is kidnapped by a group of Burmese smugglers and the concert party, Rangi, Muhammed and Rumzan attempt to save her. They are surprised when they meet her on a horse further on, having gained her freedom. It is implied that she escaped by granting sexual favours to the smugglers.
Ling Soo
Ling Soo is a local girl who works as a maid for Colonel and Mrs Waddilove-Evans. She and Sergeant Major Williams have a continuing relationship. Her father, the owner of the Deolali Chinese restaurant, arranges for Williams and Ling Soo to elope to the mountains and marry secretly. This horrifies Williams, as he would be classed as a deserter, which creates a dilemma for Williams; does he stay on at the camp, or does he marry Ling Soo?
Inspector Singh
The Inspector is the head of police in Deolali, who warns Colonel Reynolds and Captain Ashwood on a few occasions when the locals are rioting, demanding that the British go home.
Ah Syn
Ah Syn is the cook for the camp, a man of Chinese ethnicity who served food that Captain Ashwood describes as “furniture stuffing”. Gunner Graham in particular moans that the food is inedible and disgusting. When Captain Ashwood asks if he knows about spotted dick and toad in the hole, he misses the point entirely and thinks that spotted dick is an illness.
